The body is a hollow shell...
The awakening
This is Karn. This wolf changed my life.
The story of Karn began back in the year 2006. I was 14 at this time.
One seemingly normal day, I woke up with a strange feeling in my chest. A deep flow of passion filled my body, a strange desire to be alive. I felt warm, my body was wild and my mind was calm.
My heart was pounding like never before, it felt like it would jump out. I was shivering and my breathing tackled. It wanted to become alive inside myself.
I felt the strength and warmth of a wolves' heart, escaping a dark void in my body, settling itself in place.
It was the most intense feeling I have ever had.
For the first time in my life I felt real.
I have awoken.
From then on I knew what kept my life going. I won't ever be human again.
I was driven to be who I really am. I was seeking contact to other wolves to better understand myself.
I wanted to know if others could feel what I felt. Feeling a wolfs' heart pounding, a creature living within your own body.
I knew I can't be alone.
The story of Karn began back in the year 2006. I was 14 at this time.
One seemingly normal day, I woke up with a strange feeling in my chest. A deep flow of passion filled my body, a strange desire to be alive. I felt warm, my body was wild and my mind was calm.
My heart was pounding like never before, it felt like it would jump out. I was shivering and my breathing tackled. It wanted to become alive inside myself.
I felt the strength and warmth of a wolves' heart, escaping a dark void in my body, settling itself in place.
It was the most intense feeling I have ever had.
For the first time in my life I felt real.
I have awoken.
From then on I knew what kept my life going. I won't ever be human again.
I was driven to be who I really am. I was seeking contact to other wolves to better understand myself.
I wanted to know if others could feel what I felt. Feeling a wolfs' heart pounding, a creature living within your own body.
I knew I can't be alone.
What is Karn?
There are two definitions of what Karn is, both from different subcultures, but
both I like to see myself in.
The most known definition is "Fursona". Generally, a Fursona represents the personality of ones self and acts as a visualization of what kind of person you are and how you feel like. Art is very common and important to show this side about yourself, in form of your own created character, which does not have to be an animal at all.
The lesser known definition "Theriotype" says outright what you really are inside, what animal is living within your shell of human skin. As far as I have noticed, most therians do not care about visualizing their theriotype.
Karn is not only the representation of how I see my personality; he is my visual counterpart of my own life. He ages with me, he feels the very same emotions as I do. He is my soul, he is my inner spirit. He is the caretaker of my hopes and wishes, as well as the carrier of my problems. He is the love I feel, the dreams I dream, the life I live.
He is me.
The most known definition is "Fursona". Generally, a Fursona represents the personality of ones self and acts as a visualization of what kind of person you are and how you feel like. Art is very common and important to show this side about yourself, in form of your own created character, which does not have to be an animal at all.
The lesser known definition "Theriotype" says outright what you really are inside, what animal is living within your shell of human skin. As far as I have noticed, most therians do not care about visualizing their theriotype.
Karn is not only the representation of how I see my personality; he is my visual counterpart of my own life. He ages with me, he feels the very same emotions as I do. He is my soul, he is my inner spirit. He is the caretaker of my hopes and wishes, as well as the carrier of my problems. He is the love I feel, the dreams I dream, the life I live.
He is me.
New friends, a new life, a new face
A few months later, February 2007, a new TV show aired named "Wolf’s Rain".
Short summary: It is an anime series with 30 episodes, about wolves in a pre-apocalyptic world searching for the "paradise". Wolves are thought to be extinct since 200 years, but they have learned to blend in between humans. They do this by illusion, not transformation.
Needless to say, I was pretty darn inspired by this. How do I look like as a wolf?
At April 17th 2007, I joined the german Wolf's Rain Forum, a date I will remember for eternity.
To choose a name, I was looking down on my first drawing of wolves, which I have made in inspiration to the anime. It showed four different wolf heads, with different markings and names. One of those was named Karn, a plain white wolf.
Karn; a name fitting well to its species. Sounds brave, strong and even wise to some kind.
This is it, this was my new name from this day on.
Only my closest friends call me Karn, even though it's not restricted to anyone else.
On the forum I found that I am not alone, many people suffered from the same problem I have, having no choice for who you really are. Feeling a wolf within yourself.
I have found some memorable personalities, being the first people who have had a huge influence in my life. We became friends for many years and shared our wolf expieriences with each other.
Short summary: It is an anime series with 30 episodes, about wolves in a pre-apocalyptic world searching for the "paradise". Wolves are thought to be extinct since 200 years, but they have learned to blend in between humans. They do this by illusion, not transformation.
Needless to say, I was pretty darn inspired by this. How do I look like as a wolf?
At April 17th 2007, I joined the german Wolf's Rain Forum, a date I will remember for eternity.
To choose a name, I was looking down on my first drawing of wolves, which I have made in inspiration to the anime. It showed four different wolf heads, with different markings and names. One of those was named Karn, a plain white wolf.
Karn; a name fitting well to its species. Sounds brave, strong and even wise to some kind.
This is it, this was my new name from this day on.
Only my closest friends call me Karn, even though it's not restricted to anyone else.
On the forum I found that I am not alone, many people suffered from the same problem I have, having no choice for who you really are. Feeling a wolf within yourself.
I have found some memorable personalities, being the first people who have had a huge influence in my life. We became friends for many years and shared our wolf expieriences with each other.
The life of Karn
A few months later, when me and some of my new friends wanted to start a Role-Playing-Game, I chose to give more insight on who Karn was. I explained Karns' appearance to be like in the picture above, which I used as an avatar on several websites. It later changed to be like how it is now.
In this RPG we wrote a story step by step about our own characters. Karn started as a stray wolf, wandering between the narrow alleys of a sea port, to steal food from garbage or just even in peoples' market stalls. The howl of a shadow-wolf would mark the beginning of a new life.
The RPG came to a sudden end in 2008, when nobody was interested into the story anymore. It was kind of chaotic anyway, due to poor planning. It was a first time for us all.
Since then I've tried to write my own stories, how Karn survived in the wild, where his abilities come from, what the blue earring stands for... None was ever published, as all of them would change Karn in an "untrue" way.
There are no official backstories of Karn, except for...
Click on pictures to read its caption.
In this RPG we wrote a story step by step about our own characters. Karn started as a stray wolf, wandering between the narrow alleys of a sea port, to steal food from garbage or just even in peoples' market stalls. The howl of a shadow-wolf would mark the beginning of a new life.
The RPG came to a sudden end in 2008, when nobody was interested into the story anymore. It was kind of chaotic anyway, due to poor planning. It was a first time for us all.
Since then I've tried to write my own stories, how Karn survived in the wild, where his abilities come from, what the blue earring stands for... None was ever published, as all of them would change Karn in an "untrue" way.
There are no official backstories of Karn, except for...
Click on pictures to read its caption.
...only what really happened.
What you can see here is no fantasy. Every drawing is like a photo of certain parts of my life before. A memory that I used to share with other wolves. But since we can't take photos of things that go through our head, we draw pictures instead. They are very important to me.
Above you can see a whole bunch of my life, but not quite near about everything. In retrospect, I own about 1000 pictures, many based on my life, or just Karn himself.
I am a wolf who has given himself up to protect those he loves.
I want to be remembered as a friend, who has trusted into their achievements, to support them, to understand them.
I live, to be alive. I am alive, to give life. To live for my pack. To bring hope into this world. This is my true nature. This is the spirit of the wolf, which I carry along in my life.
No matter what else I would try to create, this remains to be my true backstory.
The only life that I have ever considered to be such.
What you can see here is no fantasy. Every drawing is like a photo of certain parts of my life before. A memory that I used to share with other wolves. But since we can't take photos of things that go through our head, we draw pictures instead. They are very important to me.
Above you can see a whole bunch of my life, but not quite near about everything. In retrospect, I own about 1000 pictures, many based on my life, or just Karn himself.
I am a wolf who has given himself up to protect those he loves.
I want to be remembered as a friend, who has trusted into their achievements, to support them, to understand them.
I live, to be alive. I am alive, to give life. To live for my pack. To bring hope into this world. This is my true nature. This is the spirit of the wolf, which I carry along in my life.
No matter what else I would try to create, this remains to be my true backstory.
The only life that I have ever considered to be such.
The dreamer
Dreams act as a source of energy. They are a window to your deepest core of your mind. If you understand your dreams, only then you will begin to understand yourself.
Since my early childhood years I was both gifted and cursed with one special ability. Dreaming became a huge part of my life, when I first noticed their power. Dreams became memories, but interestingly not only for the past, but also for the future.
To be honest, I have no idea why I have this ability, or how it could ever work. I was very distrustful of myself since when I felt that my life seemed to be precalculated. I was shocked when I found the first evidence of my ability: Witnesses, which I have told about a dream of mine, before it happened days or months later in reality. More than once.
This gave me the inspiration to share this ability with my wolf self. It serves not only an artistic purpose, but also as a reference for the world in which Karn lives in.
Since my early childhood years I was both gifted and cursed with one special ability. Dreaming became a huge part of my life, when I first noticed their power. Dreams became memories, but interestingly not only for the past, but also for the future.
To be honest, I have no idea why I have this ability, or how it could ever work. I was very distrustful of myself since when I felt that my life seemed to be precalculated. I was shocked when I found the first evidence of my ability: Witnesses, which I have told about a dream of mine, before it happened days or months later in reality. More than once.
This gave me the inspiration to share this ability with my wolf self. It serves not only an artistic purpose, but also as a reference for the world in which Karn lives in.